making mountains out of molehills.
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the ultimate boob lift—without the boob lift
photo via dailymail uk
perhaps if sheyla hershey had waited a few years for this latest invention in lingerie, she wouldn’t find herself in the predicament she’s in now.
billed as a boob lift without the boob lift, ultimo has unveiled its latest line, icon, “thought to be among the most technologically-advanced underwear in the world— contains a secret sling hidden within the cup, to create maximum uplift, while the inclusion of microscopic fibers and compressed foam, work to achieve optimum shape and contouring,” as kelly brook so coquettishly models above.
its creators claim it to be one of the most lightweight and comfortable bras
“in the world—women won’t even know they are wearing it.” marketed toward women of all ages, its design works to create a “youthful, shapely silhouette.” you know, because “youthful” and ”shapely” are the only acceptable looks women’s breasts should take in order to be considered attractive. “it works to prevent younger breasts from sagging,” explains michelle mone, creator of the new age bra. “and for women who already have saggy boobs, it uplifts the breasts in an instant to the perky pair they once were, making the breasts look up to ten years younger just like a boob lift.”
just because you cut the knife out of the equation doesn’t mean you subtract the vanity, too.
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admit it: you were all waiting with bated breath as to the fate of sheyla hershey, the proud owner of the world’s largest breasts. after multiple surgeries got her to her current m cup, it was her last implant surgery—which took place in brazil—that had her running for the hills. this time, something didn’t feel right. once back in the states, sheyla visited a surgeon who told her that a staph infection had reached both of her breasts, an infection that could take her life if she didn’t act quick.
while removing the implants would be the fastest way to try to improve her health, sheyla couldn’t part with her girls. for the past three months, she did everything she could to save them, self-administering infusions of intravenous antibiotics every 12 hours. but alas, her fight has come to an end: sheyla had to have both implants removed, as well as most of her own breast tissue—the final swift kick to the butt, er, breasts.
she may have lost the very things she held most near and dear to her heart, but she’s lucky to have gotten out of this situation alive. now she says she can focus more on her children and try to get over her breast and plastic surgery addiction.
i wish you the best of luck at breast addicts anonymous, sheyla. but i have a feeling you won’t be too anonymous…
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heidi montag is ditching her g-team
forgive me, dear readers, for having been mia this week, but this breast-obsessed freelancer found some paying gigs! so that’s good news.
you know what else is good news? apparently heidi montag has announced that she regrets getting a boob job—well, at least a size g. the diplet told life & style magazine: “my boobs are crushing me.” she’s also confessed to having some serious back pain from the strain of her g-team.
then there’s her obsession with exercise and staying in shape, something it seems she didn’t really think through when she went under the knife. “i’m obsessed with fitness, but it’s impossible to work out with these boobs,” she says. “it’s heartbreaking. i can’t live an everyday life. i feel trapped in my own body.”
now she wants to reduce her implants down to a size d—or double d. a smart move, though maybe not the smarest. then again, this is heidi montag, people. maybe sheyla hershey’s recent scare started the wheels turning in that vacuous blonde head of hers.
but maybe that’s thinking too highly of her.
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there’s a reason the united states has a legal limit on how large one can make her breasts, so heidi montag, please take note.
remember sheyla hershey? the proud owner of the world’s largest breasts? let’s recap: after eight breast augmentation surgeries, sheyla clocked in at a hefty 34FFF in 2008. with a gallon of silicone having been added to her petite frame, sheyla had the maximum amount of the clear goo in her body allowed by texas law. but nothing was gonna keep this woman from achieving her dreams, so it was off to brazil she went to obtain the largest rack in the world—since the country has no restrictions on how much silicone one can put into their body.
yep, with a chest that at one point measured in at an m cup, sheyla got the tit-le she deserved, but has had more than 30 surgeries since to reduce (when she found out she was pregnant) and re-enlarge her chest. clearly someone has a bit of an addiction, but all that may change as now her life is in jeopardy due to her obsession.
her most recent date with the knife was in june, but this time things didn’t go as smoothly as she’d expected: after surgery she discovered that a severe staph infection had reached both of her breasts. though she was operated on, once again, in brazil, she came back to houston for help, where the surgeon she met with told her she should fear for her life since staph infections can enter the bloodstream, which could cause severe septicemia (blood poisoning, inflammation of the body), necrotizing pneumonia (which causes death of lung tissue), or necrotizing fasciitis (the quickest-spreading disease known to man, commonly referred to as the “flesh-eating bug” because the poison in this toxin destroys cells which looks like eating flesh. yuck.). sheyla has been administering herself infusions of intravenous antibiotics every 12 hours to fight the infection—and she may or may not lose one of her breasts.
luckily this heavy dose of reality has made sheyla finally admit that she’s addicted to plastic surgery. i mean, any addict usually has to hit rock bottom before they realize they have a problem, and with her life potentially at stake, thankfully sheyla’s listening to her wake-up call.
so i guess the lone-star state can keep its slogan: everything IS bigger in texas.
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the stuff that dreams are made of
since tuff titties is still new on the scene, i have a lot of catching up to do as far as providing you with the most important breast news, so i apologize if some of my posts seem outdated. but some stories just beg to be heard.
stories like the woman with the world’s largest breasts. well, sheyla hershey of brazil is the proud owner, clocking in at a size 38KKK. in may 2008, eight surgeries and a gallon of silicon had her at a 34FFF, but sheyla’s dreams were big. too big, it would seem, for texas, which has a state limit of how much of that wonderful gooey clear stuff—that has helped so many a cleavagely challenged woman achieve her dream—a person can put into their body. and for good reason: too much of this good thing can actually kill a person. (maybe the lone-star state should rethink its slogan?)
it must be noted that sheyla was determined to claim the world title for her bra size, and she had that before her cups called to mind a certain southern organization. but she wanted to go even further because she, and i quote, “wanted to feel good about herself.” a woman on a mission, no law was going to hold her back. sheyla hightailed it to brazil—a country with no such restrictions on silicone—and walked away with a rack like none other.
tuff titties hopes sheyla is feeling good about herself now. she makes the TT hall of fame as THE DUMBEST WOMAN EVER.
is it any surprise that her role model is dolly parton?
